Talk To Me
by MissyMo2005
Summary: Molly struggles to come to terms with some of the things she has seen an experienced after returning from another tour. Charles becomes increasingly worried about the woman he loves as she continues to bottle things up. Can he persuade her to open up and let him help her?
1. Chapter 1

_Hi Guys! Okay so first of all to my CPD readers- I'm so sorry! I will finish the stories I have in progress I promise, I just didn't have any motivation.. Then I watched this amazing show the other day and wow! I fell in love with it! If you haven't seen this amazing show I would totally recommend finding somewhere to watch it online!_

_This is just a little something I've had floating around in my head for a little while since I started to watch the show. I know this is short but I wanted to post it and see what kind of response I got, so let me know what you think and if you think I should continue! Thanks for reading!_

Charles rolled over, blinking sleepily as his arms stretched out in to the empty space beside him where Molly Dawes should've been. His fingers tightened around the cold and empty bed sheets as he forced his eyes to focus on the red flashing numbers of the alarm clock that stood beside his bed. 3.21am. Sighing quietly, he ran his hands though his hair as he climbed out of bed, the cold air making him shiver slightly.

He knew exactly where she was. It had almost become a part of their routine in the two weeks Molly had been back from her latest tour. They'd go to bed together and he'd fall asleep with her in his arms- then he'd wake a few hours later to find the bed beside him empty. He quietly made his way down the stairs, towards the slither of light he could see coming from the kitchen door.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs he silently pushed the kitchen door open a fraction, peering around. She was there, just as he thought she would be- sat at the kitchen table wearing one of his old jumpers which practically drowned her, that dark hair that he loved so much scraped back away from her face as she leant over the table, head in her hands and stared down in to a glass of water as though it was going to give her all the answers she could ever need from life.

"Molly?" He whispered, pushing the door the rest of the way open.

She snapped around to face him, her eyes wide with fear. "Shit Charles." She muttered, shoving her hands in to her lap so he wouldn't see the way they were shaking.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He apologised, quickly stepping in to the kitchen and taking a seat next to her. "What are you doing down here at this time anyway Dawes?" He asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her towards him.

Molly sighed, resting her head against his chest and breathing in his scent that she'd missed so much during the six long months she'd been gone.

Charles sat quietly, his fingers gently rubbing against her lower back as he waited for her to confirm what he already knew.

There was a few long moments of silence before Molly spoke. "Just needed a glass of water." She muttered, stifling a yawn.

"Molly-" Charles started, knowing there was much more going on in her head than she was ever going to admit, but she cut up.

"Shut up Charles- I'm tired and I'm going to bed." She laughed, although it sounded forced to her own ears, something which didn't go unnoticed by her former captain.

He hesitated, opening his mouth to argue with her but then thought better of it. No one would ever win an argument with Molly Dawes, especially not while she was being so defensive- she'd talk when she was ready and not a moment before.

They made their way back up the stairs in silence, Molly avoiding making eye contact with him as they climbed back in to bed, Charles' arms winding around her waist and holding her close. Molly closed her eyes, pretending to sleep in an effort to stop him worrying about her. She smiled slightly, feeling him place a feather light kiss on her forehead, and relaxed slightly in his arms. She was exhausted, she wouldn't deny that, but every time she closed her eyes she was haunted by the images of what she'd seen during her tours- the images burned in to her brain for eternity. Everywhere she looked during the door she saw them, lying there on the floor reliant on her to save their lives, she saw Smurf fall down on the football pitch at West Ham and at night it was ten times worse, there was nothing she could do to stop the dreams. So instead, she'd lay there until she was convinced Charles was asleep, then she'd creep out of the bedroom and down the stairs, spending most of the night sat in the kitchen staring at the walls before creeping back up the stairs and in to his arms before he woke.

"Molly?" Charles hissed in to the darkness. Her eyes were closed but he was almost certain she was just pretending to sleep in an effort to avoid having to have a conversation with him. He waited for a few seconds but got no response, deciding not to push it in case she was actually asleep. She was exhausted, he could see it in her face. The dark circles that had been under her eyes when he'd picked her up from Brize Norton hadn't faded, if anything they'd gotten bigger, she crease in between her eyebrows seemed permanent now from the frown she'd worn almost constantly since she'd stepped off that plane. It wasn't unusual for soldiers to struggle to deal with some of the things they'd seen on the front line, hell he knew that from personal experience. He just didn't want Molly to try and bottle it up, he didn't want to watch it eat away at her. Every time he'd tried to broach the subject with her she'd shut down instantly, either changing the subject or ignoring him entirely. He needed to be patient, if she trusted him enough eventually she'd tell him. He just wasn't sure how long he could be patient for.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys! I'd just like to say thank you so much for the fantastic response that I've had to this story! I was absolutely blown away reading all your reviews and it's really motivated me to crack on and get this next part written for you all. I hope you enjoy it!_

Charles woke up again exactly two hours and 47 minutes later to find Molly thrashing around in the bed beside him. It took him a few moments to wake up enough to process what was going on, then he quickly turned on the lights and shook her gently. "Molly! Wake up!" He called, shaking her gently again. Her eyes flew open, wide and full of fear. "It's okay, it was just a dream." Charles whispered as soothingly as he could, pulling her closer and holding her tightly. "It was just a dream Molly."

Molly laid there in his arms, breathing heavily as her heart pounded in her chest. It was such a vivid dream she could've sworn it was reality. He'd been lying there on the floor in front of her and she could've sworn she could feel the pulse in his neck, feel his blood on her fingers. She looked down at her hands which were trembling slightly. It was just a dream, that was proved by the fact she was laying there in Charles' arms and not stranded in the middle of the Afghan desert. She just couldn't believe how real it had felt.

She blinked several times, trying to hold at bay the tears that were threatening to flood down her face at the same time as making a conscious effort to slow down her breathing. "Molly?" Charles said, sitting up to look at her and pulling her with him.

She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears and he could've sworn he felt his heart break there and then. She looked so broken and defeated it scared him, it was so unlike Molly Dawes. "I'm sorry Charles." She whispered, resting her head against his shoulder to hide the tears that spilled down her cheek.

"Why are you apologising?" He asked, surprised. "You don't have to apologise for any of it Molly, it's normal- We've all been there." He paused for a moment. "I've been there Molly." He shuddered a little, thinking back to those first few weeks after Smurf's brother had been killed. He'd been a mess, but his friends and family had helped him through it. "You can't keep it all bottled up inside."

Molly sniffed slightly, holding back a quiet sob as she fought to get her emotions in check. She didn't do emotions- it was probably as a result of the family she'd grown up with. She didn't know how to tell him what she was feeling, how could she tell him she'd barely slept for more than an hour or two since she'd been back. She was fairly sure he was aware of the second part, despite her attempts to try and hide it. "I'm fine Charles." The words slipped out of her mouth automatically, her reflex response to someone asking her about her emotions. "I'm going to take a shower." She muttered, pulling herself free from his arms and rushing out of the bedroom.

As soon as she reached the bathroom Molly slammed the door shut, locking it behind herself to stop Charles trying to follow her. She quickly turned on the shower, before sinking down to the floor, her knees drawn up to her chin as she let out the tears that she'd been trying to hold in. As she'd predicted, only a few seconds later the handle on the bathroom door turned as Charles tried to follow after her. "Molly?" He called quietly through the door. "Can you let me in?" He knew she wasn't actually in the shower, despite the fact he could hear the water running. She was just hiding from him.

"Piss of and let me take a shower Charles!" Molly called back. She'd meant it to sound joking, like the banter that used to flow between them constantly, but her words had come out flat and empty.

Charles leant his head back against the bathroom door, not responding to her. He wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort her in some way, for her to let him in to help her. Instead he was stuck on the other side of the door, listening to the sound of her crying quietly while she pretended to be in the shower and it was killing him.

After sitting on the bathroom floor for at least ten minutes Molly finally managed to pull herself together and get up off the floor to get in the shower. As she stripped out of her pyjamas she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She looked pale and tired, nothing like the girl in the photo that had been taken before she'd left for her first tour. The dark circles under her now puffy and red eyes gave away exactly how little sleep she'd been getting, no matter how much she wanted to hide it from Charles.

Climbing in to the shower she let the lukewarm water run down her body, as if it would some how wash away everything that she'd seen. In reality she could wash the grime of the Afghan desert off her skin but it would take a hell of a lot more than a hot shower to fix her screwed up head. She sighed, leaning her head against the freezing cold tiles on the wall of the shower. She hadn't felt like this after returning home before. Last time she'd struggled with being home because she felt as though she had more to do, as though she should still be there. That was easily dealt with, she'd signed up for another tour. The feelings she was currently experiencing were so much harder to comprehend.

Getting out of the shower and wrapping her towel tightly around her she opened the bathroom door, hesitating slightly as though to check the coast was clear. Slightly relieved to see Charles wasn't still lurking outside the bathroom waiting for her she made her way in to the bedroom, pulling out her trainers and running gear. It was a long shot but maybe running could help her clear her head.

She bounced down the stairs, plugging her headphones in as she walked towards the kitchen. "I've made breakfast." Charles smiled, turning around to face her as she stepped in to the kitchen.

"I was just going to head out for a run." Molly said quietly, her eyes resting on the mess in the kitchen. She felt bad, he'd gone to so much effort, but the thought of food was making her feel slightly nauseous.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Charles offered, setting the frying pan down in the sink as he tried to hide the disappointment on his face.

"No, it's okay." Molly said, walking towards him. "I won't be long, then I'll sit and have some breakfast with you." She said, trying to rearrange her face in to something that resembled a smile. She stretched up and kissed him gently before pulling back and heading for the door.

"I love you Dawes." Charles called after her as she reached the door.

He watched as she hesitated, turning around to face her. "Ditto." She called back to him before plugging in her headphones and heading out of the door with a genuine smile on her face, leaving Charles stood in the kitchen smiling to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Charles breathed a sigh of relief and stopped pacing back and forth across the kitchen at the sound of the front door opening. "It's okay Mum, she's back now. I'll call you later." He tossed his phone down on to the kitchen table and turned to the doorway just as Molly walked in.

"Where have you been? I've been worried!" He asked, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm fine, I told you I was going out for a run!" She replied, kicking off her trainers and sitting down at the kitchen table. In reality, she hadn't actually run anywhere. She'd been sat in the park just around the corner from their house, staring at her reflection in the pond and wondering what she could've done differently. But Charles didn't need to know that- He'd only worry more than he already was.

"That was three hours ago!" His voice came out much louder than he'd anticipated, causing Molly to flinch away from him. "Sorry... I didn't mean to... I was worried Molly." He reached out hesitantly and put his hand on her shoulder, terrified she might pull away from him.

She reached up and placed her hand over his own, squeezing it. "I know, I'm sorry. I forgot my phone, I didn't even realise until I was on my way back. I didn't realise how long I'd been gone."

Charles forced a smile, he desperately wanted to ask where she'd been for the last three hours. She certainly hadn't been running- he could tell that much. He suppressed the urge to ask though, it was almost guaranteed to cause another argument, and that was the last thing they needed. "So." He said, moving towards the kettle. "My mother called while you were out and invited us over for lunch. I told her we'd be there around one."

"Okay." Molly agreed after a long silence, during which he'd been sure she was going to create some kind of elaborate excuse to get out of it. "Sounds good. I should probably go and get changed then." She glanced down at her baggy gym clothes quickly before standing up and running up the stairs.

LINE BREAK

At one fifteen Charles was sitting at the dining room table in his parents house, chatting to his mother, while watching Molly push the food around her plate out of the corner of his eye. He could see his mother watching her too, a slight frown creasing her forehead. "How are you finding being back home again Molly?" His mother asked.

Charles watched as Molly's head snapped up at the sound of her name,dragging her back in to the conversation she'd been paying no attention too. "Oh... Um, yeah it's okay. Bit weird to start with but I'm sure I'll get used to it." She answered eventually.

"Do you think you'll go back again?" His mother asked curiously and Charles cringed internally. He'd been trying to find a way to broach that subject with Molly for a while and every time he tried she'd shut him down before he even got to finish the question.

Molly took a deep breath, trying to come up with an answer to the question. Charles had asked her a few times and she'd avoided answering him. The truth was she couldn't answer his questions. She didn't have the answers he needed.

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it." She answered eventually, not missing the look exchanged between Charles and his mother.

Charles' mother smiled at her kindly. "You don't want to rush in to anything, it's a big decision. I know Charles will be more than happy what ever you decide to do."

Molly peered nervously at Charles who nodded in agreement. The army was her home, it was all she'd ever known. God knows where she would've ended up if it hadn't been for the opportunities it had given her. The question she was struggling with, was could she really go back there after everything that had happened?

The sound of a chair scraping back across the floor caused Molly to flinch. Charles squeezed her hand reassuringly as his mother made her excuses and left them alone, seeming to sense that they needed a minute. He turned to look at her, keeping a hold of her hand, and waited for her to speak.

Molly took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts in to words that might actually make some kind of sense to Charles. "I... I haven't told you everything that happened out there." She whispered so quietly Charles had to strain to hear what she was saying. "I um..." She fidgeted nervously, brushing a stray tear from her cheek.

"It's okay. Take your time." Charles said reassuringly, squeezing her hand.

"When I was in Afghanistan, a couple of weeks after I got there, I found out I was pregnant." Her breath caught in her throat as she finally said the words out loud. "I was going to tell someone, but we were sent out on patrol. I never would've gone if I'd through for a moment... I'm so sorry Charles."

It took him a few moments to pull himself together enough to speak. "What happened Molly? What didn't you tell me?" He asked quietly, reaching up to brush the tears from her cheeks.

"We were up in the mountains, and we were getting shot at. I ducked down for cover and I slipped and fell. I just knew, straight away. I never should've gone out there! I was stupid and reckless and I lost our baby." She sobbed as he pulled her in to his arms. "I didn't know how to tell you."

"It wasn't your fault." He whispered soothingly, blinking back his own tears. "You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. You can't blame yourself for this Molly." It was breaking his heart to know she'd suffered through this alone in an attempt to spare him the pain.

"I should've been more careful. I should never have gone out there in the first place. If I hadn't we would've had a baby Charles, you and me. He or she would be here with us right now. But because of me..." She choked out.

Charles shook his head and held her tighter. "It's not your fault Molly. Come on, let me take you home. My mum won't mind."

She rubbed at her eyes, smearing her make up, before looking at him through tear filled eyes. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"You've got nothing to apologise for." He said, standing up and holding out a hand to help her up. "I just wish you'd told me sooner. Let's get you home, we can talk about this later okay?"

Molly nodded. "Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

The drive back home was deadly silent. Molly stared out of the window, twisting her hands nervously in her lap. Charles peered over at her occasionally, wondering what he could possibly say to her. He guessed it was probably something to do with what she'd seen during her latest tour. He knew all to well how those memories could come back to haunt you. But this... Well, this was just unthinkable.

When they eventually reached the house, after what felt like an eternity, they both wordlessly climbed out of the car- molly trailing behind Charles as he made his way through to the kitchen.

"I don't think a cup of tea is going to fix this Charles." Molly sighed, sitting down at the table. She looked absolutely drained. She'd thought that by telling Charles she might finally get some relief from everything that he'd been weighing on her mind- but instead of feeling as though the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders it had only gotten heavier.

"I wasn't trying to fix it." He said quietly as he poured the water in to the cups. If he was honest he had no idea at all what he was trying to do. Restore some kind of normality maybe? Then again, how was that even possible after what he'd just found out.

Carrying the mugs over to the table he sat down opposite Molly, who was hidden behind a curtain of her hair as she stared intently at a scratch on the table. There was a long silence as Charles waited for her to speak, to offer him something- anything- but he knew it was wishful thinking.

"We need to talk about this Molly." He said eventually, when it became clear she wasn't about to start the conversation they so desperately needed to have.

"Do we really have to do this now Charles?" She sighed, looking up at him and pushing her hair back off her face. "I can tell you now that I've been over and over what happened that day in my mind, wondering what i should've done differently. It hasn't changed anything and it's not going to."

"It's not about that!" He protested.

"What is it about then?" She asked, and he could detect the slight tone of accusation in her voice. He was treading on thin ice.

"It's about the fact that we are supposed to be a team Molly! You can't just keep these things from me! We are supposed to talk about these things. I've been going out of my mind worrying about you, then you just drop a bombshell like that and don't expect that I might want to talk about it?" He paused for breath. "It was my baby too Molly." He added much more softly.

All her anger dissipated at those last six words. He was right, it was his baby too- his baby that he'd never get to meet because of her. What had she been thinking? It was reckless and foolish to think she could go out there and nothing would go wrong. She didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive herself for what she'd allowed to happen.

Taking a deep breath to try and calm herself slightly she looked up at Charles. "You're right- it was your baby to... And that's what's made this a hundred times worse Charles. I have to live with the fact that your baby- our baby- is dead because of me... Because I made the decision to walk out of base and go on that stupid patrol... Because of the fact I thought I was invincible, that nothing could possibly go wrong! And now every time I see you look at Sam, I have to deal with the fact that you're never going to get to look at our baby that way, because I ruined it." She rubbed at her eyes as a few stray tears threatened to fall.

Charles was rendered speechless for a few moments, trying to process everything she'd just said. He'd hardly been able to process what had happened in his mind, let alone trying to understand everything that Molly was feeling. "You can't blame yourself for this Molly. It was an accident." He reached across the table for her hand but she snatched it back out of his reach.

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if I'd been more careful." She said coldly, before pushing her chair back and standing up. "I'm going for a walk, I need some time to think."

"Molly, wait!" Charles called after her as she disappeared through the door. He got up to chase after her and stop her, but the front door slammed loudly before he could get there and he was left, once again, standing in an empty house.


	5. Chapter 5

_I just wanted to leave a little note to thank you all for your lovely reviews- you guys are incredible and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!_

"I thought I'd find you here." Charles said quietly, walking up behind Molly who was leaning against the railings around the pond in the middle of the park, staring at her reflection in the water.

She looked up as he leant against the railings beside her. "What are you doing here Charles?" She asked.

He could see from the fact her eyes were red and puffy that she'd been crying. "You clearly weren't going to come home and talk to me, so you didn't give me much choice." He sighed. He reached across and took her hand in his own, squeezing it gently. Much to his relief she didn't pull away from him.

"I don't know what to say to you Charles!" Molly confessed with a sigh, pushing her hair off her face with her free hand. "It happened, I can't change it! What more is there to talk about?"

"You can't seriously be expecting me to just move on after you've just announced something like this to me!" He lowered his voice as a woman standing near them turned to stare. "This is the kind of thing we are supposed to talk about."

Molly pulled her hand from his grasp. "What do you want to discuss then Charles? You want to go over the facts of how I'm responsible for the fact you'll never get to meet our baby? Do you want to talk about the fact I failed as a parent so badly that our baby is dead?" She sucked in a shaky breath and wiped a tear from her cheek. Charles reached towards her but she pulled further back. "Or how about we talk about the fact that I couldn't do what Rebecca did and give you a child?"

"Molly, it's-" Charles started, but she cut him off,

"Just don't Charles." She shook her head. "Don't try and tell me that it doesn't matter. I've seen the way you look at Sam! How long is it going to be before you start resenting me because you never got the chance to look at our child like that, because I decided to go out on patrol that day?"

"How can you possibly think that?" Charles asked after a few moments silence. "I don't blame you for what happened Molly, and you shouldn't blame yourself either. It was an accident!"

Molly looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "I shouldn't have been out there. I could've stopped it."

Charles shook his head, stepping forwards and putting his arms around her. He kept a hold of her as she tried to pull away from him. "There's nothing you could've done to change anything Molly." He whispered in her ear soothingly as he held her tightly. "You can't keep blaming yourself for this, it's not healthy."

"How can you say it's not my fault? Look at me- I'm a mess. I'm no use to anyone. Because of me Smurf is dead, you're out of the army and now our baby..." She broke off mid sentence, resting her head against his chest. "Where did I go wrong?" She said it so quietly he wasn't sure if he'd heard her right.

"I don't know how many times I'll have to say this before you start to believe me, but I'll say it as many times as I need to, none of this is your fault."

Molly didn't answer him, and they stood there in silence for an immeasurable amount of time.

Eventually, Charles broke the silence, pulling back slightly to look down at her. "Come on, we should really start heading back. It's freezing out here now."

Molly nodded slightly, shivering as the wind picked up around them. "I'm sorry." She said quietly, taking a hold of Charles' hand as they started to walk back.

"You don't need to apologise!" He said for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Just shut up and hear me out!" Molly snapped, sounding much more like herself- something that made Charles smile. He'd missed this side of Molly. "I'm sorry for keeping it from you- you're right we should discuss things like this. I'm sorry for walking out on you earlier, I thought maybe the walk would help me clear my head. That I might be able to put things in to perspective and make some kind of sense of things so I could explain it to you."

"Did it help?" He asked curiously.

Molly shrugged, looking down at the floor. "I honestly don't know the answer to that Charles. One step at a time hey?"

"Sounds like a plan." Charles said with a hint of a smile on his lips. "Come on look, let's get home before we end up with frostbite- it's freezing out here!"

Molly laughed quietly, a sound he hadn't heard in months, before picking up the pace and pulling him along. For the first time in a while she was feeling genuinely hopeful that everything could be okay.


	6. Chapter 6

_I'd just like to say once again thank you all for your lovely words. It's a subject very close to my heart and I was ver unsure about posting it originally, so thank you for encouraging me to continue. _

"Molly?" Charles called, his voice echoing around the empty house. "Molly?" He moved through the house, quickly searching each room. He'd only been gone an hour, just long enough to get some food, and Molly had been fast asleep when he'd left.

He skidded to a halt as he burst in to their bedroom. His eyes drawn to the wardrobe- the doors left hanging open. The small suitcase that usually sat on the top shelf was gone, along with some of Molly's clothes. His mind raced with all the potential scenarios. She wouldn't have left him- would she? Before her latest tour he could've said with absolute certainty that she wouldn't have done. But now? After everything that had happened he wasn't so sure.

His eyes came to rest on his bedside table, where Molly's phone was lying- a small piece of paper sitting on top of it, he walked across the room, picking up the crisp sheet of paper and unfolding it- although if he was honest he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what it said.

_Charles,_

_I've gone back home for a few days. I need a change of scenery, a chance to clear my head. I'm sorry about sneaking out but I didn't want to fight with you. I'll call you when I get there. _

_Love Molly x_

The thing from her note that resonated most in his mind was the fact she still referred to London as home. The thought left a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He'd always assumed that her new life in Bath with him was her home now- but maybe he'd been wrong.

Heading back down the stairs he grabbed his car keys and headed back out. As much as she might want to, she couldn't just run away from this and pretend it hadn't happened- he wasn't going to let her. They needed to deal with it, put it behind them and move forwards. No matter how difficult that might be to do.

LINE BREAK

Molly was still feeling guilty as she walked up to the front door of her parents house. Charles would be worried, and she hadn't even brought her phone with her, so she couldn't call him and let him know she'd got there okay, or even text him to say she was sorry. She'd have to wait and use her parents phone if she could manage to get a moments peace to call him.

"Molly?" She didn't miss the look of surprise and confusion on her Mums face as she opened the front door. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Bath with Charles?"

"Surprise?" Molly replied halfheartedly, dodging the question about Charles. "Aren't you going to let me in? I thought I was probably due a visit."

Her mum frowned slightly, but stepped aside to let her though. "So Charles isn't coming with you?"

Molly shook her head, pausing at the foot of the stairs. "I'll just go stick this upstairs and then I'll put the kettle on. Where's Dad?"

"He took the kids to the park. I was just enjoying a few moments peace. You know what it's like around here. Never a dull moment! You go and out that away, I'll make the tea and you can fill me in on everything." Her mum smiled before disappearing off to the kitchen.

She couldn't help but think, as she climbed the stairs, how bizarre it was that literally nothing had changed since the last time she'd visited her parents- just before she'd been deployed. It was as though someone had pressed pause when she left- everything was exactly as it had been before, even though she felt like an entirely different person inside.

Throwing the bag down on the bed she heard made her way back down the stairs. As she reached the bottom step there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" She yelled to her Mum, pulling the door open expecting to find her dad on the other side. "Charles?" She choked out after a brief moments silence, staring at him with confusion. "What are you doing here?"

Charles looked over her shoulder at her Mum, who was standing in the door way to the kitchen looking incredibly confused. He grabbed Molly by the elbow and pulled her out of the front door, closing it behind them. "Did you really think you could just sneak out while I was at the supermarket and I wouldn't turn up at the door? What were you thinking?"

Despite his calm appearance, she could tell he was angry with her, and she didn't blame him either. "I wasn't thinking." She admitted. "I just... I don't know. The house is so quiet.. And I just thought if I came down here it might take my mind of things for a little while. I just want it to stop- just for a little while. Is that so bad?"

Charles shook his head, leaning against the railings. "Why didn't you just tell me? I was worried Molly!"

"Tell you what Charles?" She shot back at him. "That I spend every night laying in our bed, pretending to be asleep. That I'm terrified of actually falling asleep because of what I see when I do? That-"

"Molly? Is that you?" She came to an abrupt halt as her Dad appeared behind Charles with the kids.

She forced a smile on to her face, casting a quick look at Charles. "Surprise! I think Mums just put the kettle on. Go ahead, we'll be there in a minute."

Her dad looked between her and Charles quickly before taking the kids and going inside.

Once they were alone again Molly turned back to Charles. "I can't do this right now okay? Let's just go inside and pretend everything's great. We can talk about this later."

For a second she thought Charles was going to protest, but he nodded before linking his hand with her own and heading for the front door.


	7. Chapter 7

"So then." Her Mum said, walking in to the kitchen and closing the door behind her. "Are you going to tell me what's going on or do I need to go and force it out of Charles?"

Molly looked up from the sink, her hands gripping tightly on to the plate she was washing. "Nothing's going on Mum." She sighed, continuing with the washing up.

"Don't lie to me Molly Dawes." Her Mum frowned. "You should know by now I know exactly when you're trying to hide something from me."

"It's fine mum!" She took the plate out of the sink and laid it on the draining board, drying her hands on a towel before turning to face her mum, who had apparently decided to become the most observant person in the world at the worst possible time.

Her Mum folded her arms and leant back against the door. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what it is."

Molly sighed, wondering if Charles would be coming to rescue her any time soon. This clearly hadn't been as much of a good idea as she'd initially thought. "It's just Afghan and stuff Mum. It's weird being back, it's hard to explain." It wasn't a total lie- every now and then she'd hear a loud bang, or some other noise, and for a moment would be convinced she was back in the afghan desert, no matter how ludicrous it may seem.

"You're lucky you know, with Charles." Her Mum smiled. "Having someone who gets all that stuff. I bet most men wouldn't be anywhere near as sympathetic as he is to something like this."

"Yeah." Molly said softly. "I am."

Her Mum took a step to the side as she took in Molly's expression. "He's outside." She smiled, nodding towards the front door.

"Thanks Mum." Molly forced a smile in return, heading out of the kitchen before her mother had the chance to change her mind and corner her for further interrogation.

Charles was just outside the front door, leaning against the railings of the balcony, as he watched the world pass by beneath him. He looked up at the sound of the door closing behind him,

"Hey." Molly whispered, moving to stand beside him. Her eyes wandered in the direction of the football stadium, something she'd never be able to look at without seeing Smurf fall to the ground in front of her over and over again. She attempted to ignore the small voice in her head that was pointing out Smurf was another person she'd let down, that she hadn't been able to save. "I'm sorry."

Her words had caught Charles by surprise, she could tell from his expression. "What are you apologising for?"

"I don't know..." Molly admitted. "Everything I guess... For not telling you sooner, for going out on patrol that day, for the way I just dropped this on you... Do you want me to go on? The list is endless."

"You don't have to keep trying to apologise you know." Charles said, still looking down at the ground beneath them.

Molly followed his gaze downwards to where a group of children were playing in the park. Somehow it was much easier to have this conversation when she didn't have to look at him and see the emotion on his face.

"You keep saying you're sorry in your sleep." Charles clarified. "After the first tour, you used to shout for Smurf, but now, you just keep telling me how sorry you are." He didn't tell her how each little whisper shattered his heart a little more than the last.

"I..." She trailed off, not really knowing what to say to him. She could feel her cheeks flushing red. What else had she confessed in her sleep?

"You feel guilty." It was a statement, not a question. He knew her too well to be fooled. "You're not responsible for everything that's wrong in the world Molly. Sometimes these things just happen- it's terrible, but there is no explanation." Or at least that's what he'd been trying to convince himself was the truth anyway. If only it were that simple.

Molly leaned closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I just keep thinking what if? You know?"

Charles nodded. How many times had he tossed and turned at night wonder what he could've done differently? How many times he'd wondered if Smurf's mother might still have her sons if he'd made a different decision somewhere along the line. "You can't think like that Molly- eventually you have to stop living in the past and start looking to the future."

Molly took a deep breath, hesitating. "The futures what I'm scared of." She admitted, her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear what she was saying.

Charles grasped her hand tightly. "We'll face it together, whatever it brings." She turned to smile at her. "But right now we should probably go back inside before your parents think we've run away."

"Don't tempt me." Molly joked, rolling her eyes. "Five more minutes?" She suggested.

"Five more minutes." Charles agreed with a smile.


	8. Chapter 8

"Well that was..." Charles glanced over at Molly and raised his eyebrows

Molly laughed. "Sorry, they can be a little overwhelming."

Charles laughed quietly. It had been an interesting few days, that was for sure. He'd forgotten just how different Molly's family was from his own. "They obviously miss you. It was nice to see you so happy." As much as he hated to admit it, it was the happiest he'd seen Molly since she'd been back from Afghanistan.

"I miss them too." She admitted, looking over at him. "But then I come down here and visit them and it just reminds me that they used to drive me nuts."

"You don't regret being here rather than being with them?" He finally plucked up the courage to ask the question that had been bothering him during the entire drive back home.

Molly quickly shook her head. "Of course I don't Charles!" She answered quickly, surprised by the fact the thought had even entered his mind. "You know I love living here with you. It's just been a strange few weeks, that's all."

Charles nodded. That was an understatement. He looked up from the pile of post he'd been sorting through. "And I love you being here too."

"Don't you go all soppy on me now." Molly teased.

Charles rolled his eyes at her. "Shut up Dawes.. Here's your post." He tossed the envelopes on to the kitchen counter in front of her.

She pulled a face at him before picking up the envelope he'd just tossed down in front of her. She knew, as soon as her fingers came in to contact with the white envelope that had her name typed neatly on the front, where it had come from. She suspected Charles knew too, she could see him out of the corner of her eye, watching her and waiting for her reaction.

She tore the envelope open, trying to ignore the way her hands were trembling slightly. As she quickly skimmed through the letter she realised it said exactly what she had thought it would. She was going to have to make a decision on whether or not she would be returning to the army for another tour sooner rather than later.

"Have you given it much thought?" Charles was standing much closer behind her than she'd anticipated, making her jump as his voice broke in to her thoughts.

She nodded, turning around to face him and leaning against the counter. She'd given in hours and hours of thought, usually in the middle of the night when she couldn't force her brain to switch off enough to allow her to sleep.

"And?" Charles prompted.

"I don't know." She admitted. "When I first joined the army I was so sure that was what I wanted to do, that I wanted to make a difference."

"And now?" Charles asked. He could tell by the tone of her voice there was something else she was she was holding back.

"And now I'm not so sure." She told him. "When I first realised I was pregnant, I was worried that my career was over. That I'd be stuck at home changing nappies and doing the washing... But now, after everything that had happened, I've realised I wouldn't be stuck there- it's exactly where I want to be. I just didn't realise until it was already too late."

"You sound like you've made up your mind to me." Charles commented. He was trying to hide his relief at what it sounded as though she'd chosen. Although he knew Molly was more than capable of taking care of herself, he'd been on edge the entire time she was away, just waiting for someone to show up on the door step with bad news. He finally had an understanding of how Rebecca had felt each time he'd gone away on a tour.

Molly smiled at him. "I guess I have." She was right, she just hadn't realised up until now that she'd already made up her mind.


	9. Chapter 9

First of all I'd just like to say I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about updating the last couple of parts of this story. If I leave it any longer than a week before the next one feel free to remind me!

Sorry it's taken so long, hopefully you'll enjoy!

6 months later

"Molly!" Charles called breathlessly as he came crashing through the front door. "I'm back, what's wrong?"

He'd been in the supermarket when he'd got her text, which had momentarily caused his heart to stop.

He let out a sigh of relief as Molly appeared in the doorway to the kitchen looking confused. "Nothing's wrong. Why do you look like you've just run a marathon? Getting unfit in your old age captain?" She teased.

"When I got your text I just assumed..."

"The worst?" She finished his sentence as he stepped closer. "If I'd known you were going to come racing back from the supermarket like a mad man I never would've sent the text. Now you're going to have to drive all the way back there to get my ice cream!" She laughed, shaking her head. Trust Charles to assume the worst.

He rolled his eyes, slipping off his shoes and jacket before walking across to her. "Surely you can manage to go one night without ice cream?" He knew what the answer was going to be before he'd even asked the question.

"No way!" She smacked his arm jokingly. "You promised me ice cream and I expect you to keep that promise!"

Charles rolled his eyes at her. "You really are a pain in the ass Molly Dawes!" He sighed dramatically, stepping past her and going in to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

"Ditto." She laughed, going to sit at the table.

She watched him as he took the mugs out of the cupboard and made them a drink each, playing with the hem of her tshirt nervously. A few minutes later Charles sat down opposite her, watching her curiously.

"So then... Now that I've broken every speed limit possible and I'm back here- what was it you needed to tell me so urgently?" He asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Molly's cheeks flushed bright pink, she hadn't thought he'd come rushing straight home as soon as he'd got her message. "Sorry. I probably should've worded that a little better."

Charles laughed quietly. "Come on the Dawes, spit it out. The suspense is killing me here!"

Molly looked up at him. "I'm pregnant." She said eventually, finally finding the ability to speak. Now she'd said the words out loud it was finally beginning to feel real.

"What?" Charles spluttered, nearly choking on his coffee.

"I'm pregnant Charles. You heard me the first time!" She laughed.

"But... How?" He said quietly, causing her to laugh even more.

"Do you really need me to explain the mechanics to you?" She asked, raiding an eyebrow.

He shook his head, waiting for his brain to digest what he'd just heard. "Are you sure?" He asked when his mouth eventually started working again.

She nodded, a smile playing on her lips. "Positive. I took four tests."

Charles felt his face breaking out in a huge grin. "We're having a baby." He said, more o himself than Molly.

"We're having a baby." She repeated with a smile. "You know what this means though."

Charles frowned at her in confusion.

"You definitely owe me a massive tub of ice cream. Eating for two over here you know!" She laughed.

"Yes ma'am!" He laughed, jumping up from the table with a mock salute.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh come on Molly, please? Look it's so cute!" Charles held up the little baby grow infront of him and looked at her pleadingly.

"Put it back." She told him sternly. "You're not buying anything just yet, and especially not pink either. What if it's a boy?"

"Then we'll just have to have another one so we have a girl to wear the pink stuff too." He smiled, reluctantly putting it back on the shelf.

She flashed him a half smile, her hand subconsciously resting against her still flat stomach as they walked out of the shop.

"Molly, what's wrong?" He asked, putting an arm around her. She'd been incredibly quiet all morning, something which was a sure sign of trouble when it came to her.

"Can we just go home?" She asked him, her expression pleading. "Please?"

Charles frowned at her a little, this shopping trip had been her idea- she'd been desperate to get out of the house half an hour ago- but he took her hand and led her back in the direction of the car park. Something was obviously bothering her.

"Do you want to stop and get some lunch on the way back?" He asked, as they reached the car park.

She shook her head before he'd even finished the question. "No, just take me home." She dropped his hand and sped up as she spotted the car on the other side of the car park, leaving Charles almost jogging to keep up with her.

"I made you some tea." He said, setting the mug down on the bedside table. She was curled up in a ball on their bed, where she'd been laying for the last hour and a half since they'd got home from their shopping trip. She'd barely said two words to him and if he was honest, he was freaking out a little.

Sitting himself on the edge of the bed next to her, he pushed her hair back off her face so he could actually see her. "You're scaring me now Molly, please just tell me, whatever it is?"

As she opened her eyes and looked at him, he could see she'd been crying. Her red and puffy eyes giving her away instantly. She stuck her hand in to her pillow case, rummaging around as if she was looking for something. When she pulled her hand out a few seconds later, she was holding a tiny white piece of material.

"I ordered this online, just after I found out." She said, dropping it in to his hand. "I was so excited, and I figured I would be home before it got delivered, that it might be a nice way to surprise you with the news."

He silently unfolded it, his heart shattering as he found himself holding a tiny white baby grow, with "I heart my Dad" on the front of it. He suddenly remembered a little package dropping through the letter box addressed to Molly not long after she'd been deployed, and right around the time she'd started avoiding his calls and stopped writing him letters.

He just sat there, thinking about the tiny baby which should've been wearing this. Imagining how happy he would've been to have Molly back and that their little family was going to have another member.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, the tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. "I shouldn't have gone out there, I should've kept our baby safe."

He pulled her so she was sitting upright, putting his arms around her and holding her tightly against his chest, partly to comfort her and also so she couldn't see the tears that were welling in his own eyes.

"I'm scared." She admitted quietly, her breath coming out as a shaky whisper. "What if I can't keep this baby safe either?"

He placed his hand gently over hers, which was resting protectively against her stomach. "Terrible things happen all the time Molly. It doesn't mean it's going to happen again this time. You're not in the middle of a war zone this time, everything's going to be fine." He wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure himself or her. The thought had crossed his mind on more than one occasion since she'd told him. "let's just take things one step at a time."

"What did I do to deserve you?" She mumbled, thinking out loud.

He kissed the top of her head softly. "I could say the same thing."


End file.
